Sunday, March 6, 2011

Take the Plunge...and Shove It


That's what is on my mind today. Probably because I had to use one. Ugh.

I HATE plungers. They are gross. And disgusting. And make me want to throw up. I can't even think about how many germs and funk that has made a cozy home for itself on the inside and the outside of the plunger.

So you clog a toilet...I mean...we have all done it on occasion. You don't need to be embarrassed.

So you clog a toilet and reach for it.
You grab the handle and wince.
And then cry.
And then hold your breath.
And then that's when it happens. You take it and plunge it (see why they call it a plunger now?) and shove it into a rising mess of water, pee, toilet paper....and yes...something else (it floats and it's brown...eeeww). And then you pump that thing up and down until there's a release. And you stop holding your breath right about now, as you breathe a deep sigh of relief that the mess inside the toilet did not come spilling out and onto the floor. (This relief is particularly spectacular when you are in someone else's home). And then you wait for the know what I'm talking about...the sound the toilet makes as the mess descends into the plumbing abyss and you know it's gone forever. Sigh.

But're still left holding the handle of this thing, and you are suddenly very aware that this thing was completely engulfed in your *uh hem* and you have to do something with it. So you flush the toilet and give it a few pumps in the "clean water" and politely place it next to the toilet (trying your best to avoid drips getting on the toilet seat, wall, floor or your clothes...definitely not on your clothes).

*On a sidenote, public plungers are the worst! You reach for this thing in desperation and then realize that many other hands have touched the very same handle. And then you didn't wash your hands before you touched this thing. And you...just...went...and then wiped. How many other people have done the very same thing? Ugh. (insert gagging noises here).

And then you walk away...hoping that no one finds out that you had to use the plunger. You avoid eye contact with anyone entering the bathroom as you are exiting. If you're lucky enough to be in the privacy of your own home, you try to pretend that it never happened. Or you blame the 3 boys that live there...I mean...oops.




  1. I'm speechless

  2. Why the heck would you use a public plunger? Just get the heck out of there and make the teenage boy who works there do it.