Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Some Christmas Ponderings

1) Rudolph: Why is Rudolph's dad such a sexist pig? We watched that movie the other know...the classic one from the 50's? And Rudolph's dad is kind of a jerk. He's rude to Rudolph because his nose glows so he makes him cover it up so he's not embarrassed in front of his other buck friends. Then he gets mad when the fake nose falls off after Rudolph leaps for joy that the young doe likes him...not to mention the fact that he doesn't even give him props for his first moment of flying. So...Rudolph runs away encountering a "misfit" elf and they venture off together in search of acceptance. Bleh. Meanwhile, back at Christmas Town (that's where Rudolph is from...don't you know) Mrs. Rudolph's mom wants to go in search of her poor sweet son but the sexist husband stops her and tells her "no...this is man's work" Direct quote. Wow. So she does what any self respecting wife would do and goes anyway after he leaves and takes the sweet doe with her. So now, she has gone against her husbands wishes and kidnapped a minor in the process. Ahem. Finally...a few antlers later...they all get caught up together in the cave of the monster...the abominable snowman. Rudolph and his buddies end up being the heroes (of course). And it turns out that the beast isn't so vicious after all...apparently he just had a toothache. "Time to get the women folk back to Christmas Town" yep. Another direct quote. So they get the women folk back to Christmas Town where everyone is sorry because they've realized how beneficial Rudolph's nose is in a storm. The end.
*I don't think I like this movie but then my heart tells me that I do. I feel ponderous on this...

2) Fudge: Yum. My mom makes the best fudge in the world. I say that with the utmost confidence. If she participated in a Fudge Judge she would win the blue ribbon and probably a $25 gift card to Applebees. My problem is I can't stop eating it. I think I have gained 10 lbs of fudge weight. Merry Christmas hips and thighs!

3) Kathie Lee Gifford Christmas Special: I just recommended this to my friend Nate. He looked at me in disgust and horror. Why Nate? Why do you despise the Kathie Lee Gifford Christmas Special? There's puppets and singing and dancing...what could be better than that? Get it. Watch it. I'm pretty sure it's on sale at the Dollar Tree.

4) Shopping: Ugh. I hate it. I like it. I hate it. I kind of like it...THERE'S TOO MANY PEOPLE! They push past me smelling of beef stick and cheese and sometimes BO. They touch me. Gross. They look at me with beady eyes if I'm in the same section of the store. LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON'T EVEN WANT THAT $20 TOASTER ANYWAY! Yikes! Online shopping. Sigh. It's magical. Got most of my shopping done that way this year. It was delightful. The husband and I tag teamed on Black Friday. He sat in his underwear...let's be honest it's his favorite thing to do...while I was out braving the madness that is BLACK FRIDAY (say this with an echo). I had my gloves (it was cold outside for goodness sakes) and my list and he had his computer. And we both had cell phones. Woot! So I would find a deal and call the husband, then he would look it up on amazon (God bless amazon) and then we would get the best deal. It was like we were giving it back to all those in charge of the shopping frenzy! TAKE THAT CEO! Is what my husband would yell to the heavens every time we got the better deal. I love him. He's cute. Shopping done.

5) The High Bed: The husband built a platform bed for the boy for Christmas this year. He built it because 1) you can't find good ones 2) If you find a good one it's only at Pottery Barn and costs $1,000,000 So...the conclusion was to build it ourselves. The love is very good at this. He built our bed too. Did you know he was so talented? Did you? It's cuz I give him sugar (actual sugar...don't be gross). So...the bed is built. And it is LARGE. 10 feet tall to be exact. He asked me if I thought he should cut it down a bit and I'm pretty sure my exact response was "Ummm...yes." So he took off a foot. It's still huge. Luckily the boy has really high ceilings. I hope this wasn't a mistake. What if he's afraid to sleep in it? That would be sad. And a little funny. But he wants one so bad and has asked for a high bed a gazillion times. We aim to please. Yep. A high bed he shall receive. On a sidenote: please remember that this is a Christmas present and the boy will not see it until Christmas morning. Just in case the 5 of you reading this have any kind of interaction with my kid. Why would you want to spoil a kid's Christmas surprise? Gosh!

6) Christmas Cards: I was off for a week and still couldn't find the time to get them done!! Blurg you Christmas Cards! My family's cute, we're awesome doing great...blah blah blah. There. Now you have a Christmas card (insert mental image of my cute family take off our Santa hats. We would never do that) Maybe one day I will grow up and manage to send out Christmas Cards to the masses. Sigh.

7) Fudge: I think I will go have a piece of fudge right now. Seriously...can't stop eating it. You don't need to judge me...I JUDGE MYSELF! Yum. Chocolatey goodness.

Merry Christmas!


PS - Hi Joana

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Ear Fishing Sucks

It was the night before Thanksgiving and all through the house
The children were all crazy and wrestling about... really was the night before Thanksgiving when it happened. Ugh.

You know those Go Fishin' games? I hate that game. I thought I loved it. I bought the game for the boy because I remember loving that game as a kid. But now I see the truth...those beady eyes and snapping mouths. The surprisingly sharp fishing poles that twist and turn in weird ways. The click clack sound as it spins around and around and around. Those beady eyed fish always getting knocked and spilled out of their little holes in the "water" leaving pieces of mouths to be picked up and put back in their homes. Blurg! Buying that game was my first mistake.

Back to Thanksgiving Eve...we were all just wrestling and playing about. I was holding the baby, who was holding one of those darn fishing poles. Letting him hold one of those...that was my second mistake. The husband came up and was tickling the baby. Amidst the laughter and joy I felt a horrendous, stabbing pain coming from my right ear. I don't really remember what happened after that. I don't know if I dropped the baby. If I set him down. If the husband took him from me. I just remember crying and holding my ear. I thought he stabbed my eardrum. It was THE WORST PAIN I HAVE EVER FELT...including any part of the birth of my two children. Somehow, the baby managed to go ear fishing...and I think he won. I don't know how it happened or if we could even ever make it happen again. FLUKE. WEIRDNESS. Yep...that fishing pole stabbed into my ear and the hook caught in my ear canal and then ripped flesh on the way out. Praise Jesus I could still hear. But blood did ooze out. And it freaked me out. And it freaked my husband and kids out. They stood around me in a semi-circle...wide eyed with awe at what the heck just happened. They were all very cute and very sweet. My boys :)


I threw the game in the trash. I do not endorse or support this game. I didn't like it before the ear fishing event. But I completely loathe it now.

Ear fishing sucks. And it's also dangerous.


PS - the inner canal of my know the dark part that you can't see...has a huge scab and still hurts...just so you know.

Who Knew?

Last December we suddenly realized that Christmas had whizzed past us so quickly that many of the Christmas-y type things we love to do either got overlooked in the bustle and craziness or got done half-heartedly because we were too scattered to breathe for a minute and enjoy those Christmas-y things we love. So we made a decision one year ago to take a week of vacation in December.
Today brings day 3 of our week to an end. Sigh. It has been magical. We haven't traveled. We haven't done anything spectacular. We've just been...together, relaxing, at home. Every morning we have breakfast and enjoy our Christmas tree without having to rush out the door. GO! GO! GO! Sometimes I feel like some sort of coach. But not this week. This week we are still. And lazy. And still in our pj's until bedtime (today anyway). And it's magical.

So far we have...
1) Cleaned the house: praise Jesus! And I mean really cleaned. All the deep stuff. There's nothing hotter than a husband cleaning baseboards. 1,362 Clorox wipes later...the house is clean :)
2) Done laundry: praise Jesus! We were all down to the last resort know what I'm talking about. The kind that get shoved in the back of your drawer cuz they just don't share the same comfort level but you keep them for just in case type situations? Yep. That was us. And the exciting news is...all the laundry has been put away! It's a Christmas miracle.
3) Made ornaments: this was messy and required a lot of clean up so that the aforementioned cleaning did not go to waste and make mommy want to shout "I JUST CLEANED UP THIS MESS 5 MINUTES AGO!" to anyone that would listen. But not this week. :)
4) Made cookies: Also messy...but totally worth it. YUMMY! SLURP! GULP! Snowman heads with frosting are good...
5) Made dinner 3 nights in a row: All the working moms out there know how grand this is.
6) Went on a light hunt: It's tradition! We get hot chocolate and drive around looking for light spectacles. It's super. Maybe we will get to do it twice this year :)

Vacation in December...who knew?
Now I know.
I think it will become a Withey tradition...